Thursday, July 28, 2005
Jackass awards 2005
I have decided to start the Jackass awards, to be given to people who go above and beyond the call of idiocy, stupidity, or sheer blinding ignorance. This is not to be given to politicians or political activists, unless they do something massively stupid on a legendary scale.
Media awareness: "People are going to judge me based on one bad thing i did"- Serial killer Karla Homolka/Teale, who's "one bad thing" included necrophilia, rape, incest, torture, pedophilia, false imprisonment and murder. She is now living in Montreal, Quebec and at one point was planning to open a day care center.
Worst Career move: Country singer Mindy Mccready. A successful musician, she allegedly branched out into identity theft and oxycontin related fraud. She plead guilty to the fraud last week, just as new charges of identity theft were levelled. See her site
Civic awareness award: Hands down, this award goes to Mark R. Downs Jr. He was the coach on a team who allegedly paied an eight year old boy twenty-five dollars to hit a handicapped boy in the head so he wouldn't be able to play. To be technically correct, the boy was told to hit him twice, as the first hit to the groin wasn't enough to take him out.
Happy retirement award: Former CEO of WorldCom Bernard Ebbers. For orchestrating an Eleven billion dollar fraud at worldcom, he was sentenced to 25 years in jail. At age 63, that means he will spend the rest of his life in Jail. While i am not sure how much money he actually has left, it is pretty well useless now.
Tourist award: Deranged chainsaw enthusiast Gregory Despres. After allegedly chopping off his neighbors head and killing his wife, he hitched a ride to the U.S. border. Upon arriving at the border, the U.S. guards noted his blood soaked clothes, chainsaw, machette, and axe before letting him across. Apparently you can't stop someone covered in blood from entering the states if they are a U.S. citizen.
Fine dining award: Serial loser Anna Ayala. Too fat, lazy or stupid to get a real job, She obtained and allegedly placed a finger in a bowl of chili she got from a Wendy's restaurant. Then she sued the chain for a large sum of money. The police and coroner noted that the finger did not appear to be consistent with an object that had been cooked at 170 degrees for three hours. She was arrested and the story discredited, but not before sending the stock down and nearly ending the jobs of hundreds of people.
Media awareness: "People are going to judge me based on one bad thing i did"- Serial killer Karla Homolka/Teale, who's "one bad thing" included necrophilia, rape, incest, torture, pedophilia, false imprisonment and murder. She is now living in Montreal, Quebec and at one point was planning to open a day care center.
Worst Career move: Country singer Mindy Mccready. A successful musician, she allegedly branched out into identity theft and oxycontin related fraud. She plead guilty to the fraud last week, just as new charges of identity theft were levelled. See her site
Civic awareness award: Hands down, this award goes to Mark R. Downs Jr. He was the coach on a team who allegedly paied an eight year old boy twenty-five dollars to hit a handicapped boy in the head so he wouldn't be able to play. To be technically correct, the boy was told to hit him twice, as the first hit to the groin wasn't enough to take him out.
Happy retirement award: Former CEO of WorldCom Bernard Ebbers. For orchestrating an Eleven billion dollar fraud at worldcom, he was sentenced to 25 years in jail. At age 63, that means he will spend the rest of his life in Jail. While i am not sure how much money he actually has left, it is pretty well useless now.
Tourist award: Deranged chainsaw enthusiast Gregory Despres. After allegedly chopping off his neighbors head and killing his wife, he hitched a ride to the U.S. border. Upon arriving at the border, the U.S. guards noted his blood soaked clothes, chainsaw, machette, and axe before letting him across. Apparently you can't stop someone covered in blood from entering the states if they are a U.S. citizen.
Fine dining award: Serial loser Anna Ayala. Too fat, lazy or stupid to get a real job, She obtained and allegedly placed a finger in a bowl of chili she got from a Wendy's restaurant. Then she sued the chain for a large sum of money. The police and coroner noted that the finger did not appear to be consistent with an object that had been cooked at 170 degrees for three hours. She was arrested and the story discredited, but not before sending the stock down and nearly ending the jobs of hundreds of people.
